photo courtesy of atomicjeep
I know it's been too long, and I apologize. I've been doing a lot of mental processing lately, and I just haven't made time to sit down and put it down on paper, er, computer. But here I am . . . finally!
Back when I started Editor Joy, I had a newborn baby. Just one. And I felt like I was drowning. Flailing my arms and grabbing for life supports, I could barely keep my head above water. There was so much to do, yet this little helpless infant required so much of my time. I remember desperately asking my friends how they did it, how they got anything done; and no matter what their answers, I rarely found any help or comfort (because, as I later learned, every baby AND MAMA is different).
Now, I look back at those days and laugh at my ignorant self. To think, finding one newborn to be overwhelming and drowning all of my free time. Ha!
The transition to two continues. It's already been over seven months, and while I gave myself months to establish a routine, I'm finding myself rather frustrated that seven months later, I'm not much further than I was when I only had one child to deal with--some days I feel like I've backtracked.
I know this isn't rocket science, but I can't believe I have so much less time for me now. I'm not saying this in a selfish the-world-revolves-around-me way; it's more of a it'd-be-so-nice-to-do-all-the-dishes-and-pick-up-my-bedroom-before-bed way. I just don't have time to do much else than take care of my girls.
I still sound like I'm whining. I'm not. I'm learning. And the lesson that a friend of mine told me three years ago is still kicking my butt--something's gotta give. For the first few months, I gave up (for the most part) a healthy lifestyle. Eat whatever, exercise is optional (which means it doesn't happen), and cook what's easiest. These last few months I've picked back up on the healthy lifestyle, and cleaning my house has been suffering. I tell myself that something has to give, and right now it's the house. But I have a hard time accepting that. I feel restless in a dirty house. I cringe when I see a layer of dust thick enough to write my name in. I gag when I see buildup on my cupboards from severe neglect. I know something's gotta give, but I'm waging a mad war with my type-A personality: I want to pretend I gave up something, but really I want to prove to the world that I can do it ALL. Wahahaha. haha, hehe.
Yeah, House, 240 points; Joy, 0.
I know this is a ridiculous battle. I mean, in twenty years when my kids are grown, and I have oodles of free time on my hands, I won't look back on these years and wish I had cleaned the house more and spent less time with the kiddos. But I am really learning something about myself when I see how hard it is for me to let go of the house.
So, fellow mamas. What is it for you? What's gotta give in your life right now so you can stay afloat?