baby girl

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say this, but the reality that my husband and I created a new person, a human, a baby girl is a miracle that is almost impossible to wrap my head around. I've seen families grow throughout my lifetime, and I know how it all works. But I never imagined that it would take away my breath each time I held her in my arms or marveled at how much her sleeping face resembles her father. It's another person. She's going to look to me for guidance, for comfort, for encouragement, for knowledge. Wow. 

A million questions flood my mind: Will she look up to me? Will she want to be like me? Will she have my mannerisms? Will she laugh all the time and cry only when necessary? Will she have her dad's sense of humor? Will she love God with all of her heart? Will she be okay each time I leave her in someone else's arms? Will she sift through my weaknesses and focus on my strengths? What will her strengths be? Will she lead the nation or a small group of friends? Will she prefer to be a supporter, someone behind the scenes?  Will she be a girly girl or a tomboy? Will she love to read and write like her mother or will she want to work with her hands like her father? Will she hug me when I cry? Will she want to borrow my clothes? Will she think I'm a "cool" mom or one that has to drop her off a block away from school? Will she love traveling as much as I do? 

I love the show Gilmore Girls, and at times I feel like I should be taking notes. I love how close Rori and Loralei are, but I don't agree with every aspect of their relationship. Children need parents, not friends to guide them through their young life. I want my relationship with my baby to be like Gilmore Girls when she's an adult and making decisions of her own. But I know that getting to that place is contingent upon how I lead her through the next eighteen years. In one show, Loralei responds to her mom's question of why they can't be close like she and Rori are close, "Because, Mom. Rori and are friends first and mom and daughter second. You and I will always be mother and daughter." I believe you can be mother and daughter first and friends when you're adults and still have a connection like Rori and Loralei.

A thousand doubts fill my mind, but they fly through without any invitation to make a nest. I choose to dwell on Truth, and I am convinced that "the truth shall set me free."